When they get all excited, mention it won't be until after your next election.
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Finally, assemble a room full of sweaty farmers and nervous Nellies and tell them they can have a Plebiscite.
(Warning: Don't actually look AT your watch – that's misogyny!) Then, over several months, move back and forth in circular motions looking for an easy way to safely shift position. The Rolling Plebiscite (also known as The Monk's Delight): First, look your loved ones in the eyes and say there will never be Same-Sex Marriage on your watch. Encourage them to speak up loudly! Even shout it from the rooftops! Then when they are at their most electorally aroused in 18 months' time, padlock them into a binding vote. First, make sure you stimulate your caucus by teasing them and encouraging them to follow their own conscience and do and say whatever they please. The Padlock (also known as the Shorten Sweet): This is all about maintaining control and prolonging your leadership. Use your imagination to see how long you can maintain your support! Then slowly twist yourself around so that you are facing the other way. The Western Suburbs Contortion (also known as the Bowen Triangle): First, place your feet firmly in an electorate full of recent immigrants and other religious minorities that back in their homelands would rather hang gays from the rooftops or stone lesbians alive than countenance embracing any form of Same-Sex Marriage. Join us as we help you get the most out of the gay marriage debate. The fun part is she must try to maintain her position during six long years in power! Then when the other side gets elected, she might find she gets hot and bothered trying to wriggle out of what she said before! The other woman whispers with a straight face that she cannot support marriage equality because that is the Labor party line. One woman faces towards the electorate and says that she doesn't support gay marriage because she dislikes all forms of marriage and doesn't want gay people to have to suffer this dreadful institution. The Penny Dreadful (also known as the Wong Way): Two women lie face to face, by which we mean one of them gives the impression of telling a bare-faced lie! To enhance the enjoyment, one of the women should pretend to be a Prime Minister while the other pretends to be a Climate Change Minister. But don't worry – you might be a grey-haired conservative from the sticks or some boring old fuddy-duddy union official but there are still dozens of ways you can get in on the act and thrust yourself into the Same-Sex Debate! Just follow our clear and simple Kama Sutra directions to the french letter. Confused about your Same-Sexuality? Worried you don't know the safest position to adopt to get the most out of the gay marriage debate? Don't be afraid any longer! Join in the fun with our Gay Lover's Guide to the Same-Sex Kama Sutra!įifty Shades of Non-Grey: Nowadays, with the gay marriage debate well and truly out of the closet, every ambitious politician worth their weight in rainbow badges needs flexible, versatile, ever-changing positions they can try out for size.